Anthony Hopkins Admits He Believed Alcoholism Would 'Kill' Him

Sir Anthony Hopkins has admitted his alcohol addiction was going to 'kill' him as he is haunted by the 'regret' of walking out on his first wife and baby daughter, Daily Mail reports.

It comes as the the Academy-Award winning Welsh actor, 87, has reflected on the struggles he has faced in life in his memoir We Did Ok, Kid, which is set to be released on Tuesday.

The Silence Of The Lambs actor Anthony Hopkins admitted heavily drinking became the norm amongst his family and in the theatre world. But he was eventually fighting with directors and showing up on stage drunk with his colleagues, per Daily Mail.

As the autobiography is set to hit shelves, Anthony Hopkins  told the Guardian: 'It was terrible. You used to be on stage and not know where you were or why you were there, adding 10 minutes to the play.

 

'It was just the done thing... Yeah, we are rebels. We can fight. Who cares about the establishment? When you’re growing up, it’s healthy to want to punch out and be rebellious and survive. And it was a bit of fun, I thought. 

'But I remember thinking one day: "Yeah, and it’s going to kill you as well.”'

Sir Anthony  Hopkins spoke of how his drinking eventually spiralled into a dark addiction that also took a toll on his relationships which saw him leave behind his first wife and daughter when she was 12 months old.

In an extract seen by the Daily Mail he confessed: 'It's the saddest fact of my life, and my greatest regret, and yet I feel absolutely sure that it would have been much worse for everyone if I’d stayed.'

In 1967, he married actress Petronella Barker, 83, the daughter of upper-class BBC actors, and they shared daughter Abigail, 57 - who he has been estranged from for more than 20 years.

 

His drinking saw their union rapidly deteriorate as he admitted that they would have explosive rows where he feared he might turn violent.

He wrote: 'In the evenings, I bought bottles of whiskey at the off-license and took them back to the flat. My depression was boundless; the booze was my pacifier. I brooded. She raged.

'By the time we realized how awful a match we were, Petronella was pregnant.'

He added: 'Petronella and I had frequent rows, but one night the fighting reached a new pitch. I returned from working on location in Scotland. Exhausted after endless days on set and the long trip home, I set down my suitcases in the hall.'

Before his coat was off, Petronella was mocking him, to which he said: 'I had never been physically violent but in that moment, I was filled with such revulsion that I became afraid for both myself and her.' 

Now, his tune seems to have changed as he admitted he 'won't waste blood' over his daughter after she ignored an invitation from his current wife to visit.

He told the New York Times: 'My wife, Stella, sent an invitation to come and see us. Not a word of response. So I think, OK, fine. I wish her well, but I’m not going to waste blood over that.

 

'If you want to waste your life being in resentment, fine, go ahead. It’s not in my ken [knowledge or understanding]. I could carry resentment over the past, but that’s death. You’re not living. 

'You have to acknowledge one thing: that we are imperfect. We’re not saints. We’re all sinners and saints or whatever we are.'

His drinking coupled with a dark depression prompted actor and director Laurence Olivier to advise him see a psychiatrist - but he refused, according to the Sunday Times.

But the breaking point for him was when he was once drove all night from Arizona to Beverly Hills blackout drunk and could have killed someone. 

He confessed: 'That’s a deadly way to live, because I didn’t care about myself. I could have taken out an entire family… I knew I needed help, I knew it was over.'

Soon after the incident he then saw his ex-agent at a party and admitted to them: 'I need help', before turning his life around with the help of a 12-step program in Los Angeles.

Last December, he marked nearly five decades of sobriety via social media.

Anthony told more than 5.3 million followers that help is available for those in search of it.

We Did OK, Kid is set to be published on November 4 as it follows a bleak telling of his life and career.

The book is dedicated to his third wife Stella, who he met after his drinking admittedly destroyed his first two marriages 

He writes of being tormented by alcohol and depression that he likens himself to his most legendary character: the serial killer Hannibal Lecter.

'I instinctively sensed exactly how to play Hannibal,' he writes of the villain in Silence Of The Lambs, 'I have the devil in me. We all have the devil in us. I know what scares people.'